Full hearts, tired bodies

About twelve years ago, I received a call that would change my life, and I didn't even know it. Twelve years ago, a little brown haired girl walked up the sidewalk, and into my house, and honestly into my heart.

For the next 7 months, there were a lot of days that I didn't know if I was coming or going. We organized schedules of therapies, home visits, family visitations, and medical appointments. We actually became pros in a very short amount of time. We kept notes of every day activities and notes of medical appointments. We went to meetings at the school, we went to foster care meetings, and staffings. 

Some days ended in joy, some in tears, but almost all ended with exhaustion. Bedtime for her was 8pm, and I think most days, I was dead asleep by 8:30pm. I was exhausted. 

At the end of the seven months, two days after Christmas, I packed all the toys, clothes, shoes, and recently bought Christmas presents into my 2005 Grand Am and took that little brown haired girl to her new home. I walked her in, unloaded the car and sat on the floor with her and told her how wonderful things were going to be in her new home. And then, at the end of our time together, I walked down the sidewalk, as she cried and asked me to come back, with my head down, and barely holding it together. I got in my car, drove to an empty parking lot. I turned off my phone and I just sat in the car and cried. Sobbed. I literally felt that my heart was being ripped out of my body. I had never had my heart break like that. 

The blessing for me and my family, is that this child didn't leave us completely. We have been gratefully involved in her life since the day that she walked into ours. Some seasons more than others, but always there. 

About 90 days ago, life changed again. This not-so-little-girl has moved back into my home. And its very possible, this time it will be permanent. 

We are walking a different path than we ever imagined, but we are so grateful that B is here. She's an amazing child. She has overcome so much and she just keeps going. 

I can't wait to share more, but for now, our hearts are full, but our bodies are tired. In the most wonderful way. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Ain't it Funny How Life Changes...

So many things have changed, even in the last 2 weeks. Steven and I are doing great. We have settled into life so well. I just realized last week that it has been almost a year since we moved into our home. We are loving the space in the yard and worked hard last summer to clean up the yard a bit. We will have to do some more this year, but its coming along very well. In December, we adopted a new dog. A true blue bluetick coonhound. She's such a sweetheart. She has some nervousness that we are working on. We have named her Peyton, and she gets along great with our other two dogs, Jarvis and Loki. Crate training/potty training is the biggest challenge, but we are making some progress! The battle against infertility continues, but we continue to be hopeful. Knowing that God can make families in many different ways. We actually have had my god daughter come to stay with us. It has been a life adjustment, but things are going well. I think everyone is a little tired, but, we wou
Read more

What Infertility Means .... to me...

This week is National Infertility Awareness week. I thought I might take a moment and just express what infertility feels like to me. While at times I do feel sorry for myself, this isn't a pity post. Just an awareness one, and one that comes from my heart.  I truly believe that God makes families in many different ways. It can be biologically, fostering, adoption or maybe He choses that your family is just to be the people around you. Although I know that its sounds cliche, but I believe that God's plans for me are better than what I have for myself. I do not know if I will ever have a biological child. I hope too. Very much so. But, I also know if in my life, it is only ever my husband, dogs and I, that I can be happy with that as well.  However, there are days where the ache for a child can be almost overwhelming. When it seems like every woman at the grocery store is pregnant, or when invitations for baby showers, gender reveals and first birthdays arrive. This does not
Read more
B has been here with us about 6 months now. Ya'll. Just in case you didn't know. Parenting is hard. I know this is not a revelation to most of you. But we didn't ease into it. There wasn't nine months of expectation and dreams of what it would be like to hold a newborn in our arms. We did not have to do the diaper changes, or nights without sleep. It's hard in a different way. When you are parenting a child with special needs, there is a list of things you never thought you would have to think about.  Some nights I lay and stare at the ceiling and think of all the things that were challenges that day, and all the successes. I think of the list of things that needs to be done tomorrow, and try to make mental lists of things to not forget. I am barely keeping all the appointments straight, and I am watching my leave balance at work decline steadily. It makes my desire to be able to stay at home even stronger. Just to be able to manage all the things that need to
Read more