For the next 7 months, there were a lot of days that I didn't know if I was coming or going. We organized schedules of therapies, home visits, family visitations, and medical appointments. We actually became pros in a very short amount of time. We kept notes of every day activities and notes of medical appointments. We went to meetings at the school, we went to foster care meetings, and staffings.
Some days ended in joy, some in tears, but almost all ended with exhaustion. Bedtime for her was 8pm, and I think most days, I was dead asleep by 8:30pm. I was exhausted.
At the end of the seven months, two days after Christmas, I packed all the toys, clothes, shoes, and recently bought Christmas presents into my 2005 Grand Am and took that little brown haired girl to her new home. I walked her in, unloaded the car and sat on the floor with her and told her how wonderful things were going to be in her new home. And then, at the end of our time together, I walked down the sidewalk, as she cried and asked me to come back, with my head down, and barely holding it together. I got in my car, drove to an empty parking lot. I turned off my phone and I just sat in the car and cried. Sobbed. I literally felt that my heart was being ripped out of my body. I had never had my heart break like that.
The blessing for me and my family, is that this child didn't leave us completely. We have been gratefully involved in her life since the day that she walked into ours. Some seasons more than others, but always there.
About 90 days ago, life changed again. This not-so-little-girl has moved back into my home. And its very possible, this time it will be permanent.
We are walking a different path than we ever imagined, but we are so grateful that B is here. She's an amazing child. She has overcome so much and she just keeps going.
I can't wait to share more, but for now, our hearts are full, but our bodies are tired. In the most wonderful way.